A little over a week ago, my sister called me asking about our family members that had died of cancer. She said she was going to be changing doctors, and wanted to have a complete family history to give the doctor. We went over the list and who had what type of cancer, and that was that. I didn’t think anything of it.
Last Tuesday morning, she sent me an instant message asking if it was okay to call me, and I said sure, I wasn’t busy at the time. I should have known something was up.
She had found a lump in her left breast a couple of days before and had seen her family doctor. The lump was hard, over an inch wide, did not hurt, and was on the inside part of her breast. The doctor was concerned and scheduled a mammogram and a subsequent ultrasound if needed for Thursday. The first thing I thought of was our aunt, Mama’s sister, who was diagnosed with breast cancer at the same age as my sister. Sis also has the same features as my aunt, blonde hair, blue eyes, while Mama was dark hair and brown eyes.
Mama’s sister was Sis’ age when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She went through a mastectomy and had chemo (I can’t remember right now if she had radiation). She went into remission, but in the end the cancer came back. She lost her battle with cancer about eight years after being diagnosed. That was over 22 years ago.
She said that she had decided years ago what she would do if she ever had to face breast cancer. No lumpectomy. No single mastectomy. She would have a double mastectomy. I was in complete agreement with her. She was handling this so well, she was not freaking out at all. She was very matter of fact, reminded me a lot of Mama. She said she had some big shoes to fill, Grandmama’s, our aunt’s and Mama’s. We talked for awhile longer and decided not to tell our father until we knew more. After all, she hadn’t even had the mammo yet.
I consider myself a pretty strong person. I come from good stock. Mama was a strong person, and I kept myself strong while caring for her during her cancer battles. But when Sis and I hung up, I completely lost it. I can’t remember ever losing it like that before, not even when we first found out about Mama. I was scared to death, completely hysterical.
This is my sister who is over ten years younger than me. She still has two kids at home, one in college and one in high school. She has a disabled husband that she is the primary caregiver for. She has other health issues, a stroke from three years ago, issues with her heart and she’s also bi-polar. She has not had an easy life, and now she’s facing this. She seemed to be handling it a whole lot better than me.
Thursday comes and she goes in for the mammogram. The mammo evidently is suspicious enough to warrant the ultrasound. She’s told it will probably be the first part of the week before she gets the results.
Monday morning, she gets a phone call from her doctor. There are “two highly suspicious areas of malignancies” according to the test results. She was aware of one, not two. She is referred to a surgeon for a biopsy. The appointment will actually be with the surgeon’s nurse and will be more of an administrative appointment to make sure the doctor has all the tests results before he actually meets with her. She’s comfortable with this surgeon because he had treated her husband a few years back when he was having kidney problems. She wants the biopsy to be the excision type, where both lumps are removed, and not the needle type biopsy. She wants these out of her body.
She met with the surgeon’s nurse this morning. Everything was in order, but it’s going to be two weeks before she can even see the surgeon, and this is just for a meeting, not the actual biopsy. Then she’s told if she’s willing to go to the surgeon’s other office in a nearby city, he can see her next week. In fact the biopsy would probably been done in a hospital in the other city. This other location is an hour away from her home. She leaves without scheduling an appointment. She is just livid that nothing was accomplished.
She gets home and tells her husband that she’s done seeing doctors. He quickly informs her that is not an option. She asks him who made him the boss, and he says he guesses Mama did. She will see this through. Bro-in-law and I don’t always see eye to eye, but we do on this. She decides to find another surgeon. She doesn’t want to have to go that far away when there is a perfectly good hospital near her home. Can’t say that I blame her. So now she waits again to hear from her doctor. Hopefully that will be tomorrow. She needs to get the biopsy done so she knows exactly what she’s dealing with.
I pray to God it’s not cancer. She’s not praying that it’s not cancer. She’s praying that if it is cancer, she will be able to handle it with the same grace that Mama, Grandmama and our aunt did.
Me, I’m being selfish. I’ve had so much loss these past few years. I don’t know how I can handle the possibility of another loss. I pray that God gives me the strength and guidance that I need. Just please don’t take my sister from me. I’m scared to death.
